Study: What could happen when you describe your past relationship story?

Breaking up with a loved one is often a painful life experience, one that is difficult to recover from. Researchers from SWPS University, however, suggest that a simple step can help. Writing down the story of a past relationship increases the effectiveness of thinking about the past and future in close relationships. It is also associated with a better understanding of the causes of relationship breakdown, they write in the prestigious journal PLOS One.

When something difficult happens, people tend to put in into words and share it with others. It is mostly done by presenting a story and explaining all the complexities of the event. Scientific research shows that people resort to the stories not only for communication and building social relationships. From a psychological perspective, such stories can also be understood as a cognitive way of giving meaning to our experiences. Thanks to this, instead of grappling with incomprehensible emotions and the chaos of events, we can perceive them as a coherent and understandable narrative. 

How to scientifically study personal stories?

The main analyses in the study conducted by psychologist Jolanta Czarnecka from the Faculty of Psychology in Warsaw and psychologist Professor Jerzy Trzebiński, PhD, from the Institute of Psychology at SWPS University, included 422 women aged 18 to 30. During this developmental period, individuals face numerous challenges, which include establishing their identity and learning to form long-lasting romantic relationships. All participants had experienced a relationship breakup within the previous three years, and had remained single since then. The psychologists decided to investigate how activating thinking about the story of a past relationship would affect women's future functioning.

The main goal of our study was to examine how narrative thinking about a past relationship affects us. We expected that activating this thinking would lead to more effective thinking about past experiences and increase thinking about the future, explains Jolanta Czarnecka from SWPS University.

The participants of the experiment were randomly assigned to two groups. The narrative group wrote the story of their ended relationships, as they saw and understood it. The control group answered questions about facts and assessments related to their past relationships, but without arranging their answers into a coherent narrative. 

Telling your story can be hard...

Analysis of the responses of women who were invited to share their personal stories showed that approximately 37% of them did not complete this task. For example, instead of a coherent narrative, participants only presented a collection of loose opinions and arguments, focused solely on selected fragments of their past relationships, or created a dry, chronological record of events.

In our study, each participant had freedom in how they shared their personal story. Some participants may have been reluctant to share. Others, despite trying, may have experienced difficulty crafting a narrative. This observation, however, proved extremely valuable. It allowed us to see whether those who shared their stories differed from those who did not. We found that those who shared their narratives functioned significantly better, Jolanta Czarnecka comments.

Creating a narrative improves thinking about the past and future

After seven days, researchers asked participants about their current thoughts about their ended relationships, and their thoughts about the future in close relationships.

Women who created personal narratives more often used words pointing to the creation of causal connections in describing the reasons for their relationship breakup. We can interpret this as an increased ability to organize personal experiences, which may facilitate constructive coping with them. Participants who shared a personal story also provided longer descriptions of their thoughts about the future, and used more future tense verbs. Based on this, we can assume that their thinking about the future was more effective.

Further significant results were found when comparing participants who shared a personal story with those who, despite being invited to do so, did not. Participants who shared their personal stories reported a better understanding of the reasons for their relationship breakup. They also created more coherent descriptions of the reasons for the breakup. In addition, thinking about the future was easier for them. Only 3.5% of them reported having no or few thoughts about the future in a close relationships in the previous week. However, those who did not share their narrative experienced this about four times more often (approximately 15% of the group).

Leave the past behind and move on

The conclusions from the study indicate that framing painful memories within a classic narrative - including the characters, their motivations, and the obstacles they face on the way to realizing them - which leads to thinking about the past relationship as a story, is a powerful cognitive tool. It helps us organize difficult experiences and fosters thinking about the future.

Emerging adulthood (ages 18-29) is a time for learning how to build long-lasting romantic relationships and establish one's own identity. Breakups are inevitable at this stage, but their psychological costs can be enormous - from anxiety and low mood to serious mental health crises. However, the work of psychologists from SWPS University demonstrates that we have a simple, accessible self-help tool at our disposal. It is important to emphasize that the consequences of engaging in thinking about the personal story can vary from person to person. In the event of a significant crisis, it is best to seek professional support.

The paper "The effects of narrative framing of own broken love on understanding the past and imagining the future in close relationships” by Jolanta Zuzanna Czarnecka and Jerzy Trzebiński was published in the prestigious scientific journal PLOS One. The study was funded by an Institute of Psychology of SWPS University grant, financed by the Polish Ministry of Science and Higher Education.